exchanging my writers block for a soap box.

I had a significant epiphany while driving to work today.
(My first day back at work so it had even more of an impact on this new-ish start.)

I can be a "sinner" and a "saint". I can be both.

I was watching a show last night and there was a very emotional scene with a dad and a daughter and alot of yelling and spouting out bible verses back and forth. At the end of the battle the daughter said something that really hit me. After quoting multiple passages from the Bible about Christ's love she says "Jesus is my Savior Daddy, not you. He would be ashamed of you for judging me."
And so as I drove thinking about this scene with K-Love Christian music station on my radio I came to this realization. I'm no where near figuring out what I believe and where I stand with everything and frankly I'm still angry with God for many things and we haven't spoken in a long time but I can be a Christian that doesn't go to church. I can be a good person without attending any one congregation. I don't have to have an endless spiritual to-do list to help others. I don't have to define my worth by what other people think it means to be worthy.

Ironically enough, once I got to work I had a counter-productive experience to my epiphany.

It always comes up at work that I am single/boy-friendless, being 1 of 2 in our group that doesn't have a significant other, so naturally today it did. One of the ladies excitedly said "How old are you?! I have a son!". I laughed but inside I instantly felt sick because although I don't know her well I know the church she attends and that means I am automatically disqualified from even meeting her son. He wouldn't date someone "like me". I was sad that this thought even crossed my mind. I've been on the opposite side of the spectrum so I knew these thoughts were true. It was said a few more times during our time together and it really started to bother me inside so after being shown a picture of the son I just smiled and said jokingly "But I'm not a church girl anymore." I'm not even 100% sure she heard me but it was killing me inside not to say anything.

Jesus is my Savior. If there is one thing I learned growing up in church that I still hold to be true is that He knows my heart. People are going to judge me based on what they think is wrong and right, what they define as sin and I can't change that. He knows how hard I try and how deeply I care about people. So for now that has to be enough.